Today is the Labour Day May 1 holiday - it's a Monday and I am home alone with my son. He's past 4 months old now and a regular little firespark. He smiles, babbles, laughs and throws tantrums like there's no tomorrow. He seems to have quite a temper - I guess I can't really expect any different knowing myself and his father :) Last night, he was asleep when the thunder rolled and he woke up howling - not cos he was afraid but he was adamantly angry that the thunder had disrupted his sleep! He kicked up a big old fuss - I was out to dinner but that's what Mother In Law reported. By the time I got back, he had been placated, pleaded with, pacified, fed and rocked to an uneasy sleep - all of which resulted in failure except for sleep.
But then lo and behold, when I look over him and smile, he opens his eyes and smiles back! Everyone is astonished by the change in behaviour - yes, this is how children behave with their mothers and somehow, it makes it all worth it.
I feel I have been remiss at capturing some of Julian's moments. We don't own a video camera but have been taking some pictures on camera and on phone. And I do keep a diary of how he progresses.....but time flies so fast and he changes almost instantaneously. I'm not even home during the work day to see what he does!
Now it seems, he loves being lifted up into the air by his armpits - he laughs so cheekily and with such abandon - I WILL have to take a picture of it. Also, one week ago, I discovered he also enjoys being sucked (with loud noises, mind you) in the crook of his neck......When you turn him around, his mouth is open in a big O of silent merriment! Only this morning, he had awakened and was talking to himself for quite some time - what sounded like perhaps 2-3 sentences.....I was sitting up in bed, just listening to him when his dad asks, "Did you hear that??" from under the blanket. I did indeed and I would pay anything to hear it again. So today, he is in a talkative mood - babbling away to the TV, to me and to his fingers..... :)
He's getting a big big for his baby bath already so I've gotta look at the next step and also gotta start preparing the safety gate and think about where he can learn to crawl now....The biggest thing I worry about is the dog and dog hair downstairs.....and also the fact that his maternal grandparents don't see him all that frequently. I really wish for them to have a close loving relationship...
My friend just asked me via email today, how is my life, aside from Julian....I don't know how to respond - my life aside from Julian? Sounds tacky but there isn't much aside from Julian; or at least I feel that way - there's work - which is going well since I am now working on a new product and have more avenues and opportunities to show creativity and a supportive boss who allows me to take risks and teaches me lessons.....there is gym - where I'm trying to be disciplined and go 3 times a week, I would love to go and try out a group exercise class, and am finishing up on my introductory personal training classes - how do I tell my personal trainer that I am not going to spend another RM4k on lessons with him???, there is singing - which is great once a week though my biggest hurdle is getting over the mindset that I'm not good cos that's holding me back even while my vocal teacher keeps telling me every week that I have the talent, and most importantly, there is family - my husband, my parents, my sister, my parents in law and of course Julian falls into this category - I mean, Julian isn't a category in and of himself - hehehehheeeeee.....So, of course, I don't have as much time as before with hubby and of course I don't have as much mall time and weekend easy peasy let's just go activities and of course, I don't go back home to Penang as much anymore.....because yes, it's true - the little one DOES take up a lot of time and alot of EFFORT - make no mistake. But when I tell you it's worth it, it's worth it.
No other mother will be able to explain what that means 'It's worth it!', and I can't myself cos language has not yet created a word or even words deep enough or broad enough to encompass and convey the emotions you feel.
Daddy is also feeling it now, I can tell - his most telling sentence - 'It feels good to know I'm coming home to wife and child'.