Tuesday, April 10, 2007

A Day in the Life of Errolyn's Office (yes the horoscope included in my morning read)

"If the status of a relationship isn't very clear, you should try opening your eyes a bit wider. If you're not seeing things the way they really are, it could be because you're afraid that the picture isn't as rosy as you want it to be. But you're dealing with your own happiness and future -- and knowing the truth is better than living in blissful ignorance. Seeing things as they really are doesn't always require courage -- sometimes it requires only a bit of self-respect. Besides, things are not as bad as you think!"

Courtesy of http://astrology.yahoo.com/astrology/

What does a girl do when her horoscope states the obvious? Do I leave it all up to fate or do I blindly challenge the stars?

And the more important question, do I fight it when it rings so true?

It isn’t always easy navigating through life but I happen to think I’ve got a pretty good head on my shoulders and that I usually make decisions that are at least well-informed, well-researched, or guided by gut instinct. Operative word here is ‘usually’ or should I say ‘99% of the time’.

The remaining portion are the times when I seem to throw caution to the wind …..only I don’t. It looks terribly irresponsible, stupid perhaps, to some people when I do the things I do and I can’t explain them. I only know it’s not really throwing caution to the wind – it comes with a lot of soul-searching and hard-thinking. Self-preservation runs the race with the romantic notion of living for the here and now because tomorrow is not promised to you. The gun goes off and even before the runners are out of the gate, romance has won the day. It has happened before and it will happen again. When will I learn or will I ever learn? Am I naturally, intrinsically predisposed to behave this way (as my stars have it!) or perhaps I just don’t know pain as yet (touch wood!).

Is it sado-masochism or is it love or is it karma…… or maybe I just am so used to being a certain way with a certain someone that I don’t know any different.

When it comes to love, I have experienced the kaleidoscope – the selfish, possessive, it’s all about me type, to the let’s work it out because we are mutually respectful, to the I would give my life for you. Thank god I have not reached the take me and squeeze everything I’ve got out of me type!

I keep saying I am not strong enough – but I am, I know I am, I must be.

So what is keeping me here in this position?

What is it?


Today at office, we talked about the arrangement a certain RICH man has with his wife and his (ex) girlfriend. Apparently 2 months out of the year, he will spend with his girlfriend alone – and his wife has no knowledge of where he is and what he does. All the married women in the circle exclaimed their disbelief, "What! His wife should let the girlfriend have him for 6 months instead!"

(Actually I’ve heard a variation of this story – instead of 2 months a year, it’s actually only 1 day…although I believe the reaction from my colleagues would remain the same.)

Is this what I will feel too when I am married? Instead of trying to find more time to spend with my beloved, will I actually be seeing the light when someone else wants him? What is marriage then?

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