I had so many ideas of thoughts and opinions (even anecdotes) I wanted to share with everybody in the past few weeks but then I never get the time to log in and write.
I wanted to write about The Power of Love.....of Religion. I've seen a couple of friends fall by the wayside and even had one tell me (from the horse's mouth) that why she faltered when hard times came along is because she didn't have religion while I did (She had asked me how I got over my personal 'tragedy'). Now you know I am the last one to preach but I think it's true. I know that whatever decisions I have made and all actions I have taken have mostly at some point or another come from my faith in my religion. When I faltered, when I regretted, when I cried, when I was broken, I just went back to my religion and draw strength from that. I do not know if it is 200 percent right or true but everyone needs something to hold on to. And god knows, I have been broken lots this past year. Why? Because I have a naive, idealistic view of people I love - that they can do no wrong, or that they would never hurt others knowingly, that they would put others first before themselves but it's not (always) true.
However, I WILL NOT let that change my beliefs or my principles. I will still continue to be strong, to put others I love first before myself simply because I cannot hope to do otherwise. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. I guess that's the difference - I couldn't even if I wanted to - naivete to the highest extreme but what the heck, it's me!
I have a simplistic view of people in my life - those that are important to me and those who aren't. Those who are, I cannot turn my back on them no matter the expense to myself, those who aren't, ....I don't really think about. Maybe it's because I do not expend much time and effort on those who aren't important to me that I have the luxury of always thinking of those who do.
So, it's actually a nice chemistry and combination of religion and personal ideals (do no evil, be good, have a good heart, do unto others what you would have others do unto you - can I say the same thing in more different ways???), that brings me to myself. A self I have discovered at 30! I have been told I have a soft heart and a tough exterior. Is that true? For you to find out.
(For those of you who are thinking, I am not writing very well or cohesively tonight - yes, it's because I'm tired, apologies)
Another thing I wanted to talk about is Local TV. Number one - the variety and multitude of bland reality shows available. Somebody ought to stop all these singing competitions. I had a terrible time with Malaysian Idol 2 and now with One in A Million (of which I think either Dayang should win or one of the boys - only happened to catch one episode) and Protege and Mentor and Akademi Fantasia and Digiteen and Celcomteen and all that crap. Come on man, although I must say the talent levels of Protege and AF are better than Malaysian Idol or OIAMillion. But nobody does anything differently. They're all the same, there is no ooomph, no style, no wow factor - though at least Protege and Mentor and AF teach the kids, the whole works so they understand what it is to be a performer instead of just walking out on stage and singing.
Heck, if Amazing Race can get boring, then you better believe it that these singing thingies have a much earlier expiry date!!!!
Gol and Gincu is quite cool though - the other day I watched this episode where Putri said 'I can trust Eddy, he will never hurt me' and actually blurted out laughing! Of course I had the omnipresence of a tv watcher but girls say these inane things all the time, I've been guilty of it, but now I know better! And then at the end of the episode......she goes 'How could I have been so stupid??!!!' Join the club girl! I've been there too!
This reminds me of an old Chinese saying, 'You can never say a man is good or bad until the four nails in his coffin have been nailed down'. Lord, is that true or what??!! See, there is wisdom in old wives' tales.
At lunch the other day too, a friend told me, never trust a man completely, never have expectations that are too high of him. Is that true? I'm sure it is, but how can I love a man and not trust him? How can I build a life with somebody and not expect him to be good/great? Because I can only expect him to reach and aim for higher than where he is now right - which should be pretty good in itself already if I chose to be with him......I cannot love at 90 percent! I must love at 130 percent but ''that will only get you hurt!!!'' friends lament!
Bleah - men, relationships - if you're looking for lovey dovey mushy stuff here on this website, you gotta wait a while. Because where I am now, no man can be trusted to put someone else first before them when the going gets tough - like a friend said, it's prioritisation (I believe it's true so I'm sharing it), he'd rather hurt you than himself.
Hopefully, one day I will stop being distrustful (just a teeny bit, mind you) of men out there and meet someone who can put these fears to rest. And I will read back on my blogs and think, I wrote with a tinge of disappointment, unhappiness, sore-ity (hahahaah) but I am glad to have been proven wrong.
By the way, about TV still - I love Lee Hom. Never noticed him before but a Chinese guy who is good looking, stylish and speaks wonderfully.....it's not just 'Celcom, the power is in your hands', but 'I am in your hands!'. Hahahahahhaahahaaa, don't be shocked! If you work with you, you will know I talk like this everyday at lunch!
Props out to Szu Ping whom I did not mention in my last blog for wishing me happy birthday - sorry darling! I saved the best for last!
I want a puppy! My friend gave me these 'out of this world' earrings for birthday, they are too precious! When I get my own notebook, I will start putting more pics up and then everyone can envy my gorgeous earrings and hair and self.....ahahahahahhaa..
By the way, travelling soon, can't wait! TIBET!!!!!!!!!!! It's going to be good!